Are cucumber sandwiches funny? I didn't think so.

   Why does Canadian Television suck so bad?

   I just finished watching a new, half hour situation comedy on the CBC about a young, good-looking, Muslim, hot-shot, Toronto lawyer who leaves the bright lights and fat paychecks of Bay Street to become the destitute Imam of a makeshift mosque serving a small Islamic community in a rural town in Saskatchewan. We may need to call in an expert to count the implausibilities in that one sentence. Yes, I know what Shakespeare said about that.
   I first read about this new series, called Little Mosque on the Prairie of all things, in an article in one of Canada's national newspapers. "There's one I'll be giving a pass," I said to myself. I mean, silly premise set aside, it's a Canadian made situation comedy. That, in itself, is all you need to know.
   Then I thought, "you know, they really are tackling a sensitive subject. Maybe there's some promise there." Still of two minds, I read a couple of articles about it by Jeremy, over at Popped Culture. This one includes a preview scene. After watching that, my on again, off again interest in the show was off again. Sure, a Three's Company style scene in which bystanders misinterpret the one side of a telephone conversation they can hear is a classic comedy idea. Unfortunately, no one told the writers that once you've had an idea, you can't just film that. The idea needs to be developed, elaborated on, stretched out. The gag is in how long the misunderstanding can be drawn out. The thirty second scene they shot just made me say, "yeah, I can see how that could be funny," but it didn't actually make me laugh.
   Still, I was flicking through the channels tonight, and there was absolutely nothing on - actually, I wanted to watch the Raptors' game, but every time I tuned in, they blew a lead, and every time I went channel surfing, they regained it, so I figured it was better for them if I watched something else - so I tuned in.

   Why does Canadian television suck so bad? I'm sorry, have I already said that?

   OK, first, if you are filming a television show about Muslims, doesn't it make sense to actually, you know, hire a few of them? Among those portraying mosque attendees are a British-Italian man, a Hindu East Indian woman, A black woman named Arlene Duncan (who might be Muslim, for all I know, but the Nigerian accent is about the fakest thing I've ever heard), and Sheila McCarthy. Yes, Sheila McCarthy (think a Canadian Shirley MacLaine - woo! woo!).
   Also, the main character, the Imam, played by Zaib Shaikh, just plain isn't funny. His bio stresses his distinguished stage and screen career, including many Shakespearian roles. Listen, if you're casting someone in the lead role in a comedy, don't you think it might be a good idea to look at, I don't know, comedians? I mean, the only reason I knew the guy was telling jokes was because of how badly he telegraphed each and every one of them. Dude, don't stop and wait for the laugh. It's television. They add that later.
   Hey, why does every Canadian show have to take place somewhere that nobody lives? How are the majority of Canadians, who live in cities of millions of people, supposed to relate to the inhabitants of a town of seventeen residents? Why can't these shows be set in Montreal, or Vancouver? No, every one has to be in a little town in Saskatchewan. And why does every other scene have to take place in a diner, where only one person works, twenty-four hours a day, pouring coffee into the same customer's cup every time we see her? Can't we do something different? Please?

   After it was over, my wife asked me how long I thought it would last. "I give it three episodes," I prognosticated. Then I thought about the fact that it was on the CBC, and as such was supposed to reflect some part of Canadian culture. Maybe three years. And then I remembered The Beachcombers. It could well be three decades.
   Hell, I think most of the cast, crew, and writing staff used to work on The Beachcombers. ::Sigh:: And they wonder why we all want American cable stations to watch.

   By the way, the Raptors won.

   Also, go back to yesterday's entry about (inter)National Delurking Week and, if you have not already done so, leave a comment.

Tags: television, CBC, Little mosque on the prairie, The Beachcombers, yawn