Monday, November 15, 2004

Telemarketing folly

  I must say, I love the new phone system most telemarketing firms are using now. In order to maximize the productivity of their operators, these parasitic companies have implemented a very sophisticated computerized connection system. A computer automatically dials telephone numbers, and listens for the phone to be picked up. If it gets no answer, or hears a busy signal, it moves on to the next number. If the phone is answered, it momentarily places the call on hold while it transfers to a live, blood sucking, almost human person. That process takes at least two seconds. Sometimes longer. They are allowed by law for that pause to last as long as ten seconds, but two seconds is plenty of time for my purposes. Most calls go like this:

telephone: ring ring
me: hello?
telemarketing company:
two seconds of silence
me: click

  It's almost poetry. I don't have to listen to any lies, like we're calling because someone in your household completed a survey, or we're working in your area currently and can offer you savings. Just an instant of silence, and it's over. I get a wonderful feeling hanging up on telemarketers normally. Imagine how I feel hanging up on them before they even say a word. It's delightful, it's delovely, it's dewonderful. It defreakin' rocks! Sure, I might occasionally hang up on a friend who was momentarily distracted just as I answered the phone, but they'll call back. I'll explain what happened and we'll both get a chuckle out of it. There's just too much upside to worry about that.
  Like all good things, however, it will come to an end. As more and more people catch on, and start hanging up immediately when their 'hello' is not instantly returned, the telemarketers will have to try something new. But until they do, I'm enjoying not having to actually hear their annoying voices. It's making my days much, much brighter.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I like to play jokes on them, get them to spit out their whole story then let them know that I need to go get Mrs. or Mr. and just set the phone down and see how long they wait on the line before hanging up.  Its also funny to ask them everything theyask you.
telemarketer-"hello, Im trying to reach Mrs. &%^$*"
me-"hello, wow, IM trying to reach Mrs. &%^$* too"
telemarketer- "im calling on behalf of AT&T"
me"NO, IM calling on behalf of AT&T:
usually it dont go much farther than that.lol

Anonymous said...

The law doesn't seem to apply to some of these people...I've had them call after 9 PM all different times...I'm glad someone is annoying them as much...think I'll try it too.....Sandi

Anonymous said...

Oh, I like to  wait for them and play games!!  I will talk in French, or I will let them think they almost have me sold and I tell them I am not interested.  I know I know, it's cruel, but it gives them something to whine about on thier lunch break.  

Kell
http://journals.aol.com/awen1122/Confessionsofa20somethingDramaQu

Anonymous said...

My Mom use to let them talk and talk...then she would say! I can't hear, could you just repeat everything, or she would tell them, "No speak English." They would hang up on her!!!!

Sharon

Anonymous said...

I registered with that "No Call" list in Connecticut ... so far, it has worked splendidly. Before that, I used to have fun with them, getting them really into the sales pitch, and then cutting them off, and putting them on hold until they eventually hung up. Another time, I screamed as loud as I could into the receiver ... that company never called back.

Kasey

http://journals.aol.com/ikoiko33/TheReturnofKaseypalooza

Anonymous said...

We don't get many telemarketing calls but when we do get them I LOVE to play games with them!

Anonymous said...

Actually, I kinda like 'horsing' around with these people ... using bizzare and incomprehensible accents ... THAT sort of thing.

Anonymous said...

We have caller ID, plus, since we signed up for the telemarketing "no call list", the number of calls has dropped 95%...plus, hehe, if somebody's phone # doesnt show up on my caller ID, they either can't get thru, or have to use call intercept, at which point, I can have the wonderful pleasure of saying "NO" when asked if I will accept the call..~Mary Anne~

Anonymous said...

ha!!!!  So true..so true!

nd funny..lol!

Thanx for the comment in my journal!!

Abby

Anonymous said...

{it's my favourite part of unsolicited calls}
THE PAUSE...about the time they get to tell me
that the call is being 'recorded' in Spanglish or
Hindu, i say,"sorry [name], i can't contribute."
CLICK.  Computres are no help to the wayward
descendants of A. G. Bell

Anonymous said...

when they get my voice mail, it leaves this message "if you'd like to make a call please hang up and try again"  very odd message to RECEIVE.. I wasn't calling them was I? lol

~ Promise

Anonymous said...

Does Canada have a Do Not Call list yet? It helps a lot. Nowadays we only get surveys, politics and non-profits, and not many of those. Of course, the fact that I tie up the line with my AOL dial-up all night every night makes a difference, too. - Karen

Anonymous said...

I like to answer and yell at them for being late to pick us up because we're waiting to go to the movies or something along those lines. Leaves 'em a little dumbstruck.

~Danielle